Discipline and Diabetes. How to get it right, without breaking your child's spirit...

Well, here I am again. On my soap box once more, feeling angry, annoyed, desperate and in need of some serious advice. I have found, there is so little literature out there about children and diabetes, how to discipline effectively, and to handle not only their emotions, but your own too.

Let me start at the beginning. Hearing Rebecca had the worst possible type of diabetes...type 1, felt like, in my husband's words "like I've shot my own daughter." Suddenly, you are thrown into the deep end, without a life jacket, not able to swim...and no instructor to teach you. 'Up the creek, without a paddle!' That sort of thing. I'm sure at some point in your life, you've felt like that. We all do, some time or another, not so?

I was forced to be up beat, 'smile when my heart was breaking'...a song comes to mind right now. Kev, as was I, was also thrown into a vortex of fear, uncertainty about the future, guilt, remorse, desperation! Fortunately, we were surrounded by wonderful, caring and highly qualified people. A brilliant paedetrician; lovely Christian diatician; sweet and kind diabetes representative; she taught Rebecca, and us how to inject, use the machine, change needles, store insulin...the list is endless. In a state of shock and horror, Kevin and I, needed several days just to absorb all the information being thrown at us, literally. Seriously, I felt as if my brain was going to short circuit, like one of those cartoon characters. Had some serious migraines during those early days.

But, my precious angel inspired me. She was so incredibly brave. You want to know something truly amazing? I have not once had to inject her with insulin. She won't let me! Right from the beginning, she did it all herself. The only time we both crumbled, was when she took her first bath. That's when I had a good look at her cute, little girl's innocent tummy covered in red, pin pricks from all the injections. She has to be careful, not to hit the same place twice, to avoid infection. Not to mention how painful it can get. I have to be extra sure, she has a fresh, new needle every day. We buy stock in advance. We also have to store the needles in an empty Coke bottle. It's against the law to throw them in the bin, thank goodness. It is a potential hazard. We must take them back to the paed ward at the Medi-Clinic.

When she first started acting out, I asked for a child psychologist to visit Rebecca in hospital. Suddenly, I had a temperamental teenager on my hands! One minute she was upbeat and goofing around, making us all laugh. (A gene she has inherited from her fun-loving Daddy). Always the class popular class clown. The next minute she would be moody, hostile, and so weepy, I would rock her like a baby. (Not that I minded, it's sad when they no longer want to sit on your lap and be hugged, I miss it so much). So, I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing, but I like it when she regresses and becomes needy like a baby again. I get to sing her the lullaby, I wrote for her when she was a baby. 'You're my precious little angel'...Oh, and she goes to sleep when I stroke her nose. How cute is that? Brings tears to my eyes, every time. Sorry, if I'm being a little soppy here, I just get very sentimental at times.

We saw an excellent psychologist; a compassionate man, who understood, as he lost his own child years ago. He could fully understand a parent's pain, on a deep level. My heart broke for him. He never spoke about it though. It's humbling to watch the brotherhood of doctors at work. They all stick together, are friends, Christians, promote and support each other to the end.

I cope with Rebecca's diabetes by looking for the good; seeing God's hand in the little miracles. And, the fact her life was spared, was the biggest one of all. Several angels, had also been sent to guide and support us. If it wasn't for Dr Fourie, I would have lost my child. I firmly believe that the doc; both with God's help and my faithful friend's prayers; saved her!

The psychologist managed to calm my ever mounting fears, by assuring me Rebecca was not depressed. With lots of help and support; as well as her own personal team and cheering squad; she would make it through the grief successfully. (Incidentally, I did for all of two seconds consider donning a mini-shirt and tank top, with 'I'm your biggest fan,and proud Mum,' embroidered across the top! But, thought better of it, as my once toned, youthful legs are now forty plus, and leave much to be desired. Wearing tight leggings, or skinny jeans, is a far as I am prepared to go....Plus, Bekki is at THAT typical age, where I would been sure to hear "Mum, you're embarassing me," and the dramatic rolling of the eyeballs. That, would have scared me senseless. I would be convinced, she was going into a coma, and spiralled into a panic. I would have pulled out the ominous emergency injection, which, I joke not, has a evil-looking, thick needle, which almost grins at you. I can imagine it saying, "you've avoided me long enough, but here I am...gottcha." It even rests in a hideous, coffin looking, yellow case. Maybe, it is vampiric by nature? It must be injected straight into the blood stream. You see what I mean now? The mind has a way of playing tricks on you. It jumps out and says "ta daa! I'm going to fill your mind with all sorts of ugly, scary thoughts!" Doesn't help, that I was born with an over active imagination, sometimes it works in my favour. I once won a prize, for my 'alien' story.

I'm waffling, another not so good attribute to being a writer. Too many words vying for attention. Annoying! Back to the psychological advice. He told me I need to stop "candy coating the disease...level with her. Get into her head; tell her you understand completely; feel what she's going through. Your life is crap; it's not fair; and I know you are scared and angry. Vent, shout, scream if you need to. Cry as much as you like, walk through your grief."

Interestingly enough, he told Kev and I, we must "grieve the loss of our healthy child, and embrace your sick child." I decided right then and there, that I would not only "embrace my sick child," but that I would celebrate her. Teach her to see the good in her situation, without losing track of how awful it was. Validate her feelings on a daily basis, whilst seeking out the good.

Firstly, she's still here with us, blessing us on a daily basis with her beautiful smile, angelic voice, and happy-go-lucky personality. (We don't need DSTV, she amuses us and keeps us entertained every day). I am also living my dream, which is to be at home with my babies. Fetching them from school is a treat. We get to talk about fashion, shopping, Nick Jonas who is her hero! He's a pop star,(dream material), kind, funny, handsome...and best of all a type 1 diabetic, who has devoted his life to caring and encouraging other diabetic children. He also donates money to raise awareness! Bless him. Kev has just come up with the most amazing idea. We're going to look for him on 'Twitter.' Bex will be over the moon, if she could get in contact with him.

I'll tell you a secret...my ultimate dream. God willing, if I do get my books published, I want to donate some of the profit to the diabetic cause. I've decided, once I've blogged about diabetes for a year, I'm going to turn it into my next book.

I want to include lots of fun illustrations, (I hope Kev will be happy to do this...he's great at drawing). My vision would be to encourage children to get real with their emotions, to process their inner dialogue and emerge stronger, more compassionate and eventually mentor the younger, struggling diabetics.

So, Kev and I are slowly coming out of the denial. Embracing our 'sick' child. I strongly oppose that label. They cause so much rejection, fear and self loathing. 'Fatty, stupid, nutter, loner, boffin, nerd, pig'....all so destructive. Those words are banned in our house!

The baby Fynn of the litter is prone to that! She sometimes calls Bekki 'stupid,' and vise versa. Needless to say, the result is 'Mr Sad Spoon,' who has super hero powers to banish ALL evil words, from the household. He's very clever and always gets his way! After the spanking, we turn him around, and on the back is a happy, fun face. That face tells the relevant, naughty child how proud Mum and Dad are, for taking the hiding on the chin. They have to explain back to us, why they believe they got the smack, say sorry and forgive and forget. The rule is for Kev and I, to be big enough to never, ever mention the said mistake again! That's a tall order, for sure.

All in all, as you can gather by now, the psychological toll diabetes takes on the whole family is huge. We have always tried to eat a healthy diet. Sweets, are only allowed once a week. (Accept when I'm prementrual, then the entire family, are allowed to indulge in a really big bar of my favourite chocolate. God bless, the man, or woman who created 'Aero.' If you want to see me bite someone's head off, just disturb this hormonal lady and the ritual involved in slowly eating her Aero! Have you seen that ad? Great concept, appeals to all women I think.

We all eat extra healthily now. I am addicted to 'Candarel,' sugar free chocolate. I don't have sugar in my tea, and Kev and Gabriella, have reduced their sugar intake, from two to one sugars, in their tea/coffee. Rebecca is allowed one sweetner a day. We all eat low GI seedloaf, diabetic jam, which is delicious by the way. And...get this, I'm even going to make chocolate cake, from the recipe book. I bought it Dorothy the diabetic. I kid you not, apparently it's delicious and contains butter beans! How bizarre is that? I've promised I'll make it sometime. All you locals, Sis, friends, neighbours and countrymen, are invited to a official 'diabetic, choccie cake launch.'

Sorry for those overseas friends. But, as my best friend knows, and I'm sure I drive her to distraction with this...I'm always looking for new, creative ways, to get them friend out for a visit. Carla, sweetie are you reading this? The girls have heard all about you and your family, and are waiting to meet you. As they are too waiting to me Aidz and family, Lindsay and the Rowlands clan, Aunty Lindsay and family in Oz, Tim and Jeni, Suzie and Craig, Andrew and Kim, Phil, Tina and baby Noah. They've heard about 'Viking Sarah Pie,' and love Aunty Heidi to bits, not to mention her cute little guy. They have yet to meet, Mandy in Norway and all the other friends overseas.

Bekki can't wait to have her own facebook profile, to keep in touch with her cuzzies. Sadly, today, she's in one of her 'I want my old life back,' sullen, dark moods. Not even my funny dancing, is cheering her up. Kev gets bleak, when the guilt monster, comes to visit us both, not to mention the division and havoc it causes. He's another 'Lord of the Rings' dude. Big, hairy, snarling, with a very bad set of fangs. Yellow, halitosis delux. Hairy ears and toes, you get it right?

I had the luxury of sleeping in this morning. My thoughtful husband does than on Sundays. Despite his exhaustion. He's in a good mood, as we had loads of fun at the rugby. Went to our local pub, kids played in the kiddies zone, where they have playstation. Stormers, and we indulged in beer shandies; and the most delectable soup and Ox-tail. Highly recommend it. I'm gonna do a ox-tail potjie sometime. A couple of our best friends, Sian and Brett...are you listening guys, have spoilt has numerous times with their 'best ever' potjie. We owe them big time! We're not the best, with keeping our entertainment schedule up to date. It always depends on our energy levels, Bekki's sugar and mood etc. Thankfully we are blessed with awesome, understanding friends who get the picture and support us. We are still waiting for cousin Mart, and his lovely lady to grace us with their prescence. Are you listening Mart? You are too busy 'hob nobbing it,' on those endless stilts of yours. aren't you? We do admire you, as it must take dedication and commitment, to do that. Not to mention, your sense of balance. You do keep us entertained with your costumes. We always have a peek at your facebook photos.

I had to nag really nag Rebecca to take her reading, and do her injections this morning. Aaarh...after much nashing of teeth, plus threatening to get out 'Mr Sad Spoon,' she obeyed and did her duty. Kev was irritated, the mood in the house changed. Peace and tranquility, is of the utmost importance, as stress effects Rebecca's blood sugar. But, we are human and Kev has worked overtime, everyvnight for the past two weeks. I get frustrated, he's a gem and excellent at his job; get's a decent salary, but not enough recognition! Even though, they repeatedly tell him, hes's their 'best project managager.'

But, I'm pleased to say exciting things are in the pipeline. Watch this space. It's going to happen for him soon, as I've experienced it myself. I resigned from my job, to be a committed full time Mom, mainly for Rebecca's sake. She needed me, and became my number one priority. Best thing ever as I'm now sixty percent Mom, twenty percent aspiring 'almost published author'...I love it! I have more time to blog, connect with my friends, entertain, and look for creative ways to celebrate life. I also have twenty percent of my time, to build my other dream. 'Crimson Edge Design.' I'm ecstatic to say, the clients are slowly drifting in. And, big ones who are prepared to pay the going rate. Good mula, and I only have to work morning only. Which, also takes alot of pressure off my over burdened hubby.

I've suggested he goes out into the great outdoors today...it's a gorgeous, sunny, warm winter's day here in Cape Town. Another mind blowing blessing, that we live in 'God's paradise.' My dream is all our loved ones to come and visit, or better still live here! Now that, would be sheer heaven.

Anyway, I'm wrapping up now as I too want to get out into the sunshine. I've promised I'll take the kids and our puppy Zoe out for a long walk. We're also blessed with a beautiful damn, complete with ducks (my favourite), and killer carp who eat all the bread and have the biggest mouths I've ever seen. Beast they are, better believe it.

Kevin did his discipline thing this morning, as did 'Mr Sad Spoon.' I'm a big softy and push over. I threaten too much, but don't give nearly enough smacks. Kev does it, then feels awful. Which is why, he's gone out. I've told him to go and reflect, dream big, find his wings and fly. We all need time out sometimes. Most especially married couples and parents. Keeps us healthy, and sane.

Kev and I are both fiercely independant people, creative, but fiery, stubborn, but loyal and need lots of personal space, as we're prone to frustration, and feeling caged, when we don't have timeout. So, we both promote it and explain to our girls, why it is so important.

Order is restored in the Fynn household. Rebecca has been told why she got a hiding. Gabriella has been warned, as she was also causing havoc this morning. Kev is out flying his personal kite of freedom...I am writing, my favourite passion, and the girls are watching a cartoon dvd. Their best time out.

I'm signing 'over and out,' and wishing you all a happy, blessed Sunday. Have fun, dream big, test those butterfly wings. They really, truly do work...believe it.