Rebecca caught a simple chest cold and as a result her blood glucose levels were off the chart. The sad thing about diabetes is that anything can affect the glucose levels, at any given time. An infection, stress or hormonal changes. I have yet to look forward to puberty. I was amazed to hear that Rebecca would start going through hormonal changes soon. She is only ten years old, but my paedetrician informed me young girls start menstruating as early as eleven. Something to do with today's healthy lifestyle, hormones in food etc.
Managing diabetes is just like 'trying to hold jelly in my hands.' Just when I think I have a handle on it, the variables change. It is my responsibility to become a professional juggler and instead of allowing the ominous disease to control both myself and my daughter, I have to bend it into submission. Always ensure I am one step ahead. Education, education, education. I research the disease and read as much material as I can get my hands on.
I have grown to respect and admire my darling, brave and resilient child. I monitor her daily and can pick up on every emotion, mood change and sugar fluctuation before she tells me. When she's low she looks like Casper the ghost and starts to slur like she's drunk. Her legs shake and her eyes sometimes roll back. That's when I jump around and force feed her anything sweet.
Thank God, we have only experienced two of those such episodes in the past eight months. She is still struggling to come to terms with her new diabetes status and daily she grieves for her old life. On numerous occasions she says to me "Mommy, I want my old life back..." These words were like a knife through my heart. But I always counteract it with something positive. I try to encourage her by telling her that technology and research is very advanced and there will be a cure in a few years time. I also tell her that she will grow stronger through her ordeal and help lots of other diabetic children one day. I look for nuggets of wisdom to impart to somehow ease the sting of this wretched disease. But behind closed doors, I am left exhausted, emotional and heartbroken. It is there that I cry over my daughter's shattered dreams and wrestle with the suffocating terror I face on a daily basis.
After three days off school with a cold, I decided to take her to the doctor. As a result of the flu virus, her blood glucose readings were 20+, which is far too high. My paedeatrician advises I admit her straight into ICU! Her ketone reading is high. Ketones are like toxins that develop in the blood when the glucose levels are too high for a sustained period of time. Ketonacidosis can be fatal. Ketones can affect her brain and kidneys. A drip is inserted to flush out the ketones. This proceedure is traumatic for her as the skin on the top of her hand is thin. She screams when the needle is inserted. I bite my lip as once again I inwardly rage against the injustice of this illness. Sudden onset Type 1 diabetes! A illness she was never supposed to have. An otherwise perfectly healthy child who developed complications from mumps. Pancreatitis which developed into diabetes because the doctors didn't treat the pancreatitis. But that, in itself is a whole other story. I am not yet brave enough to write about it as it is still a bitter pill to swallow. The proverbial 'pandora's box.' A large festering, livid can of worms that is too big to dissect or come to terms with. So I just leave it alone. Pandora's box is on a shelf in the cupboard of my broken heart. One day I will truly forgive and forget. When I'm ready.
I spend an uncomfortable night sleeping in Rebecca's bed with her. Whenever we find ourselves back at the hospital, she seems to regress. She is no longer a ten year old child but a tiny toddler who needs her mommy's comfort. Perhaps the trauma of her experience in ICU when first diagnosed with diabetes is responsible for this regression. I indulge her and decided to sleep at the hospital. I arrange for my younger daughter Gabriella, to stay the night with friends.
Rebecca recovers and is sent to the paedeatric ward. The nurses are helpful and cater to her every whim. I shower her with presents and affection to take the edge off her hospital stay. It has become like a second home as she has had to be admitted once every four months so far. But, the down side is she has extensive blood tests for the next two days. She is doing well and tests are clear, until the third day, when her readings are high again and ketones are +4. Excessively high. She also starts to vomit and this is a bad sign. I start to stress and send a bulk sms out to all my friends, who faithfully pray for her.
Two hours later, the doctor comes back and does a second urine test. His findings are that there are NO ketones. He tells me that he thinks the first test was faulty, but I know better. This is nothing less than a miracle and I am eternally grateful and thank God for his gracious reply to all the many prayers.
We have never packed up so quickly to go home. We are elated and on a high and can't wait to just be home. The next day I wake up and greet the day with a happy heart and feel full of gratitude.
I am teaching Rebecca to embrace diabetes and find the good in a terrible situation. Now, we appreciate each other and our loved ones more. We treasure the small things in life. Warm cuddles and soft, wet kisses at night. Our favourite cat's purr in the morning and a delicious breakfast. Walks on the beach, the smell of roses, having fun together and learning more about each other and God.
Thank you to all you wonderful people who continue to faithfully pray, encourage and support us. A special thanks to one of my best friends Moira, who saved me in the most simple way. She plied me with good food and wine and had Gabriella for the night, when Rebecca was in ICU. Now that's what I call a good friend. There are far too many of you to count, but you know who you are.
Thanks for reading...until next time.
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